Love and relationships

Once bitten - Twice shy
 
How to love again after a broken heart
  



How do we find the courage to let
ourselves find true love again after being very badly hurt?
 
Shorter term
There is nothing worse than falling in love only to find that your dreams  are cruelly dashed. you thought they loved you, they talked of a future, discussed plans or even made commitment to you.They told you or behaved in a way that led you to get closer and closer, then one day you find that the love comes to an end. 
 
Longer term
Maybe they married you, had a family with  you  and you are close to each others families. You may also have a group of shared friends. You believed it would be  'forever and ever'. 

 
 
Symptoms of a broken heart
A broken heart  is one of the most common reasons people come and seek help from me. 
 
Feeling that you cannot go on, failing to be able to perform  normal daily tasks and are worried that life will never feel OK again.
Loss of appetite, failure to sleep, loss of concentration, mood swings, panic attacks, feeling anxious to the point of not being able to leave the home and in extreme cases after the break up of a longer term relationship, contemplating suicide.
 
For many, it is hard to stop over thinking - constant  upsetting thoughts whirling around  and around your head  - are one of the symptoms that prevent sleep. 
 
'Losing a soul mate is like beareavment - the symptoms are very similar'.
 
 Endings
 Endings are pants!
They are rarely gentle and mutual
 
                  
                 
Sometimes endings happens slowly...the love just fades.
 
Sometimes it will be like an axe falling, brutal and prevents  any chance or reparation.
 
Sometimes it involves a third party...an affair or simply a one off sexual encounter with another.
 
Sometimes there seems no real reason but the other person does not want the relationship to continue. Whatever the reason, the outcome involves such deeply painful feelings that we may find it hard to love and trust again.
 
So how can we find a way to let love back into our lives when we are scared and fearful of further pain?
 
Ready to love again?
Are you 'emotionally healthy?'

Time to check that you are not exhibiting these behaviours
 
  • Avoidance; this often happens after several deep hurts. We just don't get close to anyone for fear of pain.
  • Anxious attachment; when you wont to be  'in love'  and in a relationship but as soon as the other person starts to become close to you, you either exit quickly or demonstrate a detachment like not letting them get close to your personal space, meet their friends or family. You may make comments or hint that 'you are not wanting anything serious', or not keeping in touch as often as you could to deliberately create space. It may include 'not being exclusive '- and actively seeing other people at the same time.
  • Possessiveness; after infidelity or a partner breaking your trust or the fact you just do not trust people full stop. You may 'act out' to stop them going out or dressing the way they want for fear of them being attractive to someone else. You could also fear letting someone have freedom - just in case they leave you.
 
  • Game playing; when  you treat someone in a way you don't really want to -  you may  try and out manoeuvre or play a tactical game, i.e.  deliberately making them jealous.
  • Detachment; not having any feelings, that are either good or bad. This can happen after a broken heart which has involved a traumatic element. Human beings cut off emotions as a means of surviving unbearable thoughts or feelings. Abuse, shock, loss of home and children death of partner could all de repressed.
  • Low self esteem; thinking that you are not lovable, always get the wrong person, bound to get hurt or it's not worth the hassle.
     
    If you are aware that you might be  
   experiencing some of the above, then 
    it is time to give yourself a...
              love make over.
                

    To fall successfully in love and have a
    fair chance of giving the partnership a
    reasonable chance of success,lets look     
    at a few requirements
 
  • Love yourself (if you don't no one else can)
  • Trust until you have concrete evidence not to do so
  • Remember no one is perfect
  • Don't over think or make assumptions ( they may not have called you because they are in a meeting - not because they are with their lover)
  • Don't confuse passion with love
  • Sex does not make people love you
  • Be with someone because you want to - not because you need to
  • Enjoy the moment
  • Try not to predict the future
  • Laugh together
  • Relax
  • Remember, jealousy kills a relationship .
    If you want to find out more about 
    ensuring you are in the right place to 
    'fall in love' after you have suffered a
    seriously broken heart or if you know
    you are struggling in a relationship or
    fearful of starting out again,
 
                                Call me on:

 

 
Tel:  01242 678985
Mob:  07850 277926