How to... be romantic

During my many years as a psychotherapist , I have worked with men and women that are at a loss as to how to inject romance into their relationship. 
I have lost count of the numerous couples that have sat in front of me desperate to find that spark again. They want to feel the 'little flutter in their heart ' or rekindle the burning  desire they once had for each other.  Often when relationships are failing, clients come to see me and shed  many tears, (male and female) telling me how they would do anything to make their partner feel the strong sense of love and desire  they used to have for them.
It is a myth that women want romance but men do not.  Some men are extremely romantic and some women are not ; but nearly all humans want to experience their partner making an effort for them in one way or another.
I have asked lots couples what they consider a romantic behaviour or gesture from their partner and included some in a list below.  Men have a tendency to involve a sexual experience in their wish list, normally as an outcome of 'romancing'...seductive environment, lingerie.  Women also desire intimacy and more likely to involve tenderness and   being thoughtful, sensual experiences,  candles, romantic music.
What ever way you chose to be romantic, try to understand what your partner deems romantic. It is pointless filling a room with scented flowers when your partners has hay fever and avoids flora and fauna! It is also not romantic taking your wife to a Aston Villa match on your anniversary (unless she is a huge fan), get my is about creating pleasure for another. It is a selfless not selfish choice of behaviours.
Romance is intrinsically linked with love but this does not mean it is to be confined to long standing committed relationships.  In fact most people say that there was more romance at the beginning of dating.  This is because guys and girls,you are trying hard to please the other! Trying to engage them, create desire and show what a wonderful catch you are.
So now you have caught them... why stop there?  keep those flames of desire burning strong.
What is romance?
Here are a few suggestion from various sources
  • Pleasurable feelings of excitement and mystery associated with love
  • An expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person
  • Mix of emotional and sexual desire for another, demonstrated by actions
  • Deep attachment and affection that goes beyond all known human bonds
  • The appetizer for desire
Why couples should keep romance alive?
There a numerous reasons but the main one is to ensure the relationship remains stable.




  • To increase desire
  • For pleasurable experience
  • Demonstrating ones investment in another
  • Improve sexual experience
  • To demonstrate love