Broken Heart?

The anticipation curve is addictive - beware! This is where a lot of problems are created if you are chasing the buzz. If you recognise this in yourself, please get some help to sort it out. If you don't, you will eventually be likely to lose the sense of what actually does make you happy and content, because you are hooked on the chemical buzz.

Yes, some will call this 'Freedom or fun', no need to commit, but that mindset tends to diminish as age increases and are we just saying that to ourselves nowadays, because we can find love? Well, if that truly is the case, that we all just want 'fun and freedom', why do I see so many unhappy people searching for love and security, male and female? Just this week I had a lovely chap come into the practice, he was in tears because he feels unlovable, frantic but unsuccessful Tinder hook ups.

2. We need to accept that relationship are not always easy...

The idea of a 'Soul Mate' is possible, but what do we mean by Soul Mate?

Human do well when we find 'our tribe', those who 'get us' and share in some of our core beliefs. We also thrive by supporting each other. I guess they didn't write ' for richer or poorer, better or worse, in sickness and health' in to the marriage vows for nothing.

Then real life kicks in.

Your dating may become a relationship? For some folk at this point, they will get bored. They start reminiscing about how they felt during the AC stage. They detach, they may start looking around, they may just suddenly end things just as you thought it was going so well.

Because we are getting used to instant gratification, everything seems to need to be happening NOW, we can get impatient. This is 'LaLa La Land' territory, boy meets girl, they fall in love, discover they want different careers, so part company. Upgrade? They recognise they love each other, but do not see passed the initial problem. They quit. Did it work out? She found love and had a child. He seemed to be stuck. he had his jazz bar, but what else?

You can get seriously hurt here if you are a sticking plaster for the wound they have endured. If they are used to commitment perhaps, they may go straight into the behaviour they had with the ex, especially if it was a longish relationship. You will be on holiday before you know it, meeting the family, maybe moving in together. When you have helped to mend the wound, and when they are back on planet earth, you might find them withdrawing. This will hurt like hell.

6. Get in at the shallow end...not the deep end.

This is not fail safe, as I have been hurt myself in the past despite being careful, but try to imagine this scenario.

A swimming pool ( the relationship)

You meet and this should look like you both dipping a toe in the pool and testing the water. The water looks safe and inviting, so you go down the steps slowly. Great there is a shark in the water ( husband of you bathing partner (that you did not know about) or big pile of poo in there, or a criminal record) you get my drift. You can very easily get out of the pool.

You never got out of your depth, so you did not get eaten by the shark or get covered in plop. Disappointed, but no broken heart.

What would have happened if you had dived in the deep end?

So you have got that nailed, you will move slowly into the relationship. Just beware of this scenario.

You get invited swimming. You are at the waters edge and your date dives in. They are having a whale of a time (excuse the water pun). They want to swim and have fun in the deep end, so you dip in your toe, O.K so far, so you go down the steps, still fine. You start to swim, all going great. They are up that deep end calling your name and only yours! Come swim with me, it is fab here, Do not worry, I will save you if you get into difficulty.