How to be romantic

During my many years as a psychotherapist , I have worked with men and women that are at a loss as to how to inject romance into their relationship.

I have lost count of the numerous couples that have sat in front of me desperate to find that spark again. They want to feel the 'little flutter in their heart ' or rekindle the burning desire they once had for each other. Often when relationships are failing, clients come to see me and shed many tears, (male and female) telling me how they would do anything to make their partner feel the strong sense of love and desire they used to have for them.

It is a myth that women want romance but men do not. Some men are extremely romantic and some women are not ; but nearly all humans want to experience their partner making an effort for them in one way or another.

I have asked lots couples what they consider a romantic behaviour or gesture from their partner and included some in a list below. Men have a tendency to involve a sexual experience in their wish list, normally as an outcome of 'romancing'...seductive environment, lingerie. Women also desire intimacy and more likely to involve tenderness and being thoughtful, sensual experiences, candles, romantic music.

Whatever way you chose to be romantic, try to understand what your partner 'deems' romantic. It is pointless filling a room with scented flowers, when your partners has hay fever and avoids flora and fauna! It is also not romantic taking your wife to a Aston Villa match on your anniversary (unless she is a huge fan) - get my drift... It is about creating pleasure for another. It is a selfless not selfish choice of behaviours.

Romance is intrinsically linked with love - but this does not mean it is to be confined to long standing committed relationships. In fact most people say, that there was more romance at the beginning of dating. This is because guys and girls, you are trying hard to please the other! Trying to engage them, create desire and show what a wonderful catch you are.

So now you have caught them... why stop there? keep those flames of desire burning strong!

What is romance?

Here are a few suggestion from various sources

    • Pleasurable feelings of excitement and mystery associated with love

    • An expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person

    • Mix of emotional and sexual desire for another, demonstrated by actions

    • Deep attachment and affection that goes beyond all known human bonds

    • The appetizer for desire

Why couples should keep romance alive?

There a numerous reasons but the main one is to ensure the relationship remains stable and...

    • To increase desire

    • For pleasurable experience

    • Demonstrating ones investment in another

    • Improve sexual experience

    • To demonstrate love

Some Ideas from my clients as to what is romantic.

If you have ideas you wish to share - please add them to the face book page

    • Writing a love letter, telling your partner why you love them and what makes you desire them. Hand write, don't type unless you are like my late father, who was challenged on the spelling front - and called my mum an 'angle' on many occasions in love letters from Burma!!

    • Candle lit dinner in a restaurant

    • Weekend in a classy hotel

    • Note on a pillow

    • Buying flowers. rose on the pillow, tuck a rose under the car windscreen wiper, (find out your partners favorite flower - they might hate roses)

    • Walking in the countryside... holding hands

    • Special photo in a frame

    • Draw or paint a picture or make a special card

    • Writing a poem for your partner

    • A surprise bottle of champagne

    • Running a bubble bath and filling the bathroom with candles, for when your partner comes in from work (beware smoke alarms)

    • Low lighting in the bedroom and scented oils to massage your loved one into a blissful state

    • Greet your partner from work and whisk them off for dinner

    • Pamper your loved one... massage, foot rub

    • Chocolates

    • Arrange for the grandparents to have the children and pamper your partner for the evening

    • Turn the television off, put on romantic music and ask your partner to slow dance

    • Make a surprise romantic meal, candles or low light, wine, dress the table like a posh restaurant and serve delicious sexy food

    • Breakfast in bed, flowers in a vase on the tray

    • Tell your partner they are beautiful/handsome... randomly, note in briefcase or handbag, text, whisper before going to sleep

    • Surprise him or her with a picnic basket filled to the brim and take a huge rug to snuggle on

    • Get his favorite DVD and best loved beer accompanied by the dish he most desires.... then hopefully he will always desire you

    • Call your partner and say you have a surprise for them later... don't say what it is. dress up in your sexiest underwear and you will make him/her swoon!

    • Say 'I love you' ... in as many ways as you can imagine

©janslaterslatercounselling 2013

Remember that one persons idea of romance - might not be an others

Copyright © counselling in gloucestershire 2021