Self-reflection

Self-reflection requires the ability to be open and honest with oneself. This is often complicated by the messages we receive from others. And we may even see ourselves in a different light to the way others see us. The closer you are to a person, the more likely it is that they can observe your behaviours and assess your character.

Sometimes the opinion of others can be invaluable. It is like having a mirror held up for us to see in. A view of ourselves that we might never have been able to see before. Mostly because we can only experience ourselves through our own lens a majority of the time. Of course this can be both painful and /or wonderful.

To be told you are viewed as hard working, when you never feel you are doing enough is great. However, being told you are selfish or uncaring when you thought you were doing OK, is less pleasant. Nevertheless, it could be the point you start the process of self-reflection and change, and change. Especially if it said by more than one person, or from person you love and/or trust.

It is the consideration and ability to be mindful of how we behave, that will manifest as our character or some would say our personality.

Here we have another aspect. When behaviours are bad, strange or unacceptable to others, we describe it as a personality disorder. Where a person has a pervasive maladaptive enduring pattern of interacting with the world. For example a Sociopath. See the article Am I in a relationship with a sociopath? A sociopath has certain behaviours and thinks in a certain way, that creates a personality that has some undesirable traits.

For us to be able to recognise our faults, as well as our attributes ,is an essential factor in the ability to achieve personal growth.

To start the process of self-reflection.

Ask yourself, how do I see myself ? How do I think others see me?

You might like to consider some of the following behaviours on the list and feelings opposite. Find some of your own too. Make a list of what you consider applies to you. Be brutally honest with yourself. It is only then, that you can consider what you are happy with regarding YOU, and what you would like to change or manage.

THINKING/THOUGHTS

We need to be able to consider how and what and the way we think when self-refecting. The way we think can drastically change our mood, and therefore how we feel, and eventually behave in any given situation.

Hamlet. "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so'.

Shakespeare

We really can help ourselves if we consider our thinking carefully. Are we stuck in a 'fixed thinking pattern' which we apply to many things? Are we conceited, judgemental, naive, self righteous, a perfectionist, a critic, a know it all or maybe a creative thinker? Do we wear 'rose tinted spectacles', or are we pessimistic, narrow minded, close minded? Unless we can be aware of our own thinking, we cannot progress to a place of higher-thinking.

BEHAVIOURS/CHARACTER

Reflecting on our behaviours is equally as important. Just look at the list below, and this not exhaustive. It is easy to understand that with so many combinations available to us, why we are such complex creatures!

Are we selfish, sincere, controlling, considerate, spiteful, pleasant, impulsive, moody, funny, careless, deceitful, serious,reserved,trustworthy, nervous, volatile, shy, curious, cautious,

debonair, decisive, determined, generous, hilarious, honorable, kind, lively, pleasant, productive, protective, receptive, reflective, responsible, romantic, self-assured, sensitive, shrewd, unusual, witty, wonderful, zany, and zealous.brave, confident, cooperative, courageous, ambitious, Docile,creepy, cruel, dangerous, defiant, erratic, finicky, flashy, flippant, foolish, furtive, guarded, jittery, malicious, mysterious, obnoxious, outrageous, panicky, secretive, strange, threatening, unsuitable, vengeful, and wary. impulsive, extroverted, pragmatic,abrasive, abusive, angry, anxious, belligerent, boorish, cowardly, crazy,

FEELINGS

There are so many feelings we could be experiencing at any given point, but sometimes we may experience a constant feeling or a particular feeling keeps reoccurring. Certain people or situations may well evoke a certain feeling.

If we are aware of that feeling when reoccurring we have a chance of understanding it and possibly making some changes or find a way to manage the feeling, especially if it is a negative one. If it is positive, we might want to find a away of ensuring we experience it more often, or discover what else provokes that positive feeling.

There is a lot of evidence to suggest that the feeling of gratitude or positivity, can help negate the negative feelings. There are many studies and books written on the subject. One great little book and a best seller, was given to me by a friend when I was having a tough time (yes, us therapists go through stuff too) the book is called 'The Gratitude Diaries', by Janice kaplan.